The changing of the leaves always brings out many emotions for me – it seems to reflect the movement of time more poignantly to me. Fall comes, transitions happen, and an empty nest is inevitable. I do love all the colors that come forth, but sometimes, I prefer to forgo the emotions. This year especially. Two parts of my heart have flown the coop – my two eldest children have moved out of their rooms and into their lives.
Their lives without a daily sighting from Mama. Their lives without me cooking every meal they eat. Their lives where I am the first hug in the morning and the last hug at night before they lay heads to pillow. THEIR LIVES. How does this happen so quickly? I feel remiss – did I teach them all they needed to go forth? -Surely not. Did I give them enough hugs to sustain them between our visits? Surely not. Did I tell them I loved them enough times so that when they need it most they can recall it quickly? Surely not. Yet they departed. With smiles. With excitement. With aspirations and hope. Wide-eyed and terrified.
We learn what our parents went through as they surrendered us to our destinies, and surrender we must as well. For our children to prosper – to really soar – we have to release them to their own futures. Let them stumble, let them rise, let them fall on their faces, let them land on their feet; It’s vital to their happiness. Their happiness is vital to mine. So with all the turmoil in my head and love in my heart, I surrender my two oldest to their individual paths. Holding them fiercely in my hearts and being there when they reach out for guidance, love, a hug or a simple hello.
My two youngest I will continue to cuddle … maybe just a little harder, a little more often and cherishing more dearly the minutes of their lives that we will share under the same roof. Because it is gone in a flash. I hold my littles more tightly as I reminisce about the cuddles with my “big boys.”